Have I mentioned…waiting SUCKS?!

I’m still quite sick from last month’s tonsillitis. I’m exhausted by the end of each day and I’m tired of waiting to get better. It’ s been a month. I’ve been to doctors and a specialist. C’MON! I’d really love to lose this cough sometime this year.

I have A LOT on my plate at work right now. The biggest site project that I’ve ever taken on is supposed to go live next month and I’m waiting for tons of people to get their shit together and just get back to me about small questions or decisions. My co-worker that I share an office with is about to go on maternity leave. She’s checked out already and in  about 2 weeks her outstanding projects become MY outstanding projects. I’ve asked to hire temporary help during her leave, but it’s just not happening. I’m going to be a crazy maniac until October.

Last weekend was really stressful because I started spotting and we don’t know what that could mean. We’re trying not to take any pregnancy tests and just wait until I get my period or I am late. When we take them, we end up getting negatives which could be false because it could just be too early, but we still get bummed by it. The spotting was past the time that implantation should have taken place. Everything I looked up said that what I was experiencing could be completely normal and a phone call to my doctor’s office confirmed that but it still really scared me. I tried to carry on business as usual but all I found myself getting distracted and worried by every little pain and twinge that I felt. I keep hearing it COULD BE nothing. The COULD BE’s are killing me.

I had some pretty major symptoms this month. Exhaustion, some nausea, irritability (Like WHOA. Just ask my wife. NOT. PRETTY.) elevated temperature, spotting, cramping and bouts of feeling lightheaded. Then again, I’m also on new medication and still coming off of this hellacious illness so I really have no idea what to think.

We have three more days to hang in there. I keep trying to remind myself that life is not about the destination, it’s about the journey. I have to admit though, I’m feeling a little lost and not even sure if I know where the road is at this point.

Sorry for the Debbie-downer post but I think it’s really important to understand that this process has a lot of dark places along the way. It’s teaching me so much about coping with uncertainty.