Tag Archives: pregnancy test

Surprise! We’re Pregnant!

11 Jul

This is the post I have dreamed so many times about being able to make and I can’t believe that it’s actually happening.

We. Are. Pregnant.

I posted yesterday that I was 2 days late and quite honestly, I was just feeling bloated, tired and had sore boobs…I was just praying for my period to start and get it over with. I was just so used to taking pregnancy tests and getting negative results that I was not in any way prepared for what happened. I got home and my parents had asked if we wanted to go out to dinner so I didn’t take the time to do a test right away. When we got home, I took an internet cheapie strip test left it in the bathroom and went about my business. I came back and checked on it and was FLOORED to see…a faint second line. What is that?! We don’t get SECOND LINES around here!?

I showed it to Mrs. E and was like “What is this?” I was in SHOCK. She said “OMG. We have to go get a better test!” We were both grinning and knew what that result meant but trying to contain ourselves a bit. I had some Early Response tests in the cabinet so I tore one open, peed in a cup and dipped it. Do you know how it is hard to make yourself pee when you’re really excited and you don’t actually have to? Just had to mention that… Before I could even set the stick down on the counter, that first line started to show and then just got darker and darker. I think I burst into tears immediately. Mrs. E was jumping up and down and she started hugging me. She got so excited that she knocked over the pee cup and it spilled all over! We just stood in the bathroom freaking out for a good few minutes. She looked at me and I’m pretty sure there were tears in both our eyes and said “We’re gonna have a baby!” and I replied “…and there’s pee all over my leg. Ew.” Kind of gross I know, but there’s something about that moment I will never forget.

We took a little while to compose ourselves and then made this short video. Okay, so we’re not so composed…Sorry for the babbling on. We’re SO HAPPY!

I’ve taken 2 more tests this morning and they are all positive. Just so you are wondering, this is what the trashcan of a crazy pregnant lady looks like:

It is SO early. So although we are over the moon and very excited, we are still being very cautious. I love sharing the news with you guys, but we’ll be keeping it to this blog or twitter for a while. If you know me on Facebook, please stay hush hush there until we make an announcement to family and friends. We have decided that we are going to wait a little while to tell our donor and his boyfriend (they haven’t been the best about keeping secrets in the past) but we think they’ll be pretty surprised too. Keep your fingers crossed that this little one hangs on and hopefully we’ll have our own tiny human making a debut in mid-March 2013!

First ultrasound appointment is August 7th, and first doctor’s appointment will be August 21st. I’ll be 5 weeks pregnant this Sunday and Saturday is my Mom’s birthday.I can’t wait to tell her as part of her gift. I know it’s a risk being so early but I tell her everything and I hope it’ll be a great day to share it.

Thank you to everyone reading for sharing this journey with us. It hasn’t always been easy and I know I’ve ranted a lot over the months. It feels like it was all worth it in this moment but I will never forget what a difficult and tumultuous road that can be and I am still thinking of those of you who are on it. I understand how hard it can be to hear others’ news when you are in that place and I hope to continue offering support to those who need it and so generously have done so for us.

Wow. We are still so shocked. I guess I was right about my post yesterday. ‘Life’ is exactly what happens when you’re busy making other plans…especially when it comes to making a new one. ❤

Love and light,

E, Mrs E & our little “sprout”

 

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Isn’t ‘life’ what happens when you’re busy making other plans?

10 Jul

I can’t believe that summer is halfway gone already! How is it that I feel as if I’m ALWAYS waiting for things yet that time flies at the same time? It’s crazy.

Mrs E. started her new job yesterday. She’s going to be adjusting for quite a while but she likes it and the people there so far. I am glad to see her out of the stressful environment that she was in before so I hope this is a better fit and she’ll be happy. Her last job dismissed her immediately after she resigned. That often happens to people who have security access to as much as she did, so she got to enjoy a 2 week paid vacation. It was good timing since she had family visiting but again, it felt like we were really busy and those two weeks just went so fast for her!

While her family was here and she was off work, my acupuncturist recommended that I go on a 10-day juice fast as part of my treatment. Even though I had a pretty good diet beforehand, it was apparent to her that my digestion was off and I wasn’t absorbing the nutrients from my food as best I could. Having nothing but pure fruits/veggie juice and water was a way to hit the “reset” button and get things back in order. When your intestines are healthy your hormone levels are more balanced and that’s what we’re working towards. I can’t say that it was the easiest thing that I’ve ever done but it definitely was very cleansing. My digestion and eating habits have improved greatly since I finished it and I think being gluten, dairy and soy free before it started was a big help. I didn’t really crave any foods or go through withdrawal as some people do with it and I lost a few pounds in the process. Unfortunately, I was going through this while we had family staying with us so I was still going out to restaurants with them while they ate wings, steak, indian food, and lots of my other favorites in front of me. I was committed though and stayed strong! I’m still doing juice once a day or so now just because I like it.

When all the juicing commenced we had our follow-up appointment with the doctor did that all the screenings for the IVF program with us. We found that I’m not the blood type that we thought I was, so that actually opens up a lot more options for us when choosing a donor.  We were almost decided on a few and when that widened the spectrum it was back to the drawing board. We are still trying to decide but instead of driving ourselves crazy we just take time every few days to sit down and go through some of them. We were told to pick three and put them on file at our doctors office. They will literally setup our account and order it with our credit card on file when the time comes. They told us as long as we have our selections made a few weeks before our egg retrieval that we’ll be fine.

The next steps are to go back to the RE we saw before and have our IVF consultation. Since he’s head of the program, it’s standard procedure. I was trying to be proactive and had scheduled that appointment for 7/13 before our bloodwork followup but they called yesterday and told me it had to be rescheduled. It wasn’t a long enough time slot to do the full consult. *Sad trombone*. I was so sad but the next earliest they had available was 7/24 so I took it. After that we should need one more appointment with a nurse to go over our med schedule and show us how to do all the injectables. I’m hoping that doesn’t take too long to get scheduled and done. If we have to wait past the 30th for that, then we’re probably not going to be able to start until the end of August. It’s frustrating but I’m trying to call and possibly get into a cancellation slot if we can. If we miss it, we miss it. It’s only a month (I feel like I’ve been saying that every month lately though…)

Lastly, we did complete two tries in June even though we knew we were headed into this whole IVF thing. Why not, right? Well, I didn’t expect anything and have been quite pre-occupied since then so I was just waiting for my period to come. Go figure…now I’m 2 days late. I did take a pregnancy test last weekend but it was negative. It shouldn’t have been too early for a negative but hey, stranger things can happen. Don’t they say that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans? I’m not getting my hopes up at all but I think I need to go home and pee on a stick just to be sure.

Until next time… 🙂

 

One Whole Year Later and Starting All Over

2 May

Yes, we’ve been at this an entire year already…

When we started this process, I never actually thought that 12 months later we wouldn’t have achieved a pregnancy yet. I knew the statistics and that it could take a while but didn’t really think that would happen to us. Sure, I understand setbacks, miscarriages and tragic things can happen but I honestly never expected to see no progress at all.  I feel betrayed by my body, which no one actually seems to be able to find anything wrong with. I realize that I am lucky. The hand I’ve been dealt could be much worse and I am grateful that it’s not. However, an entire year of failed attempts is disheartening and frustrating and I’m grieving that a lot the past few days. I’m trying to find strength in the fact that when our baby does come along it will be so special because we endured for it. Our efforts were never without extreme thought or care and when we prevail we will be better mothers for that process.

Regardless, it’s hard to remain strong every day. The past few weeks have been really emotional ones and some days my disillusionment and pain shows no matter how hard I try to tuck it away.

First, we got another negative test result. I felt that I had more symptoms than ever last month was really hopeful that we were going to get our positive result. It was pretty shattering when I found out I wasn’t pregnant. That was immediately followed by one of the most painful periods I’ve ever experienced. It just felt so cruel.

Next, we worked through some issues with our donor and found out that although he does want to move out of the area, it may not end up being as immediate or as far away as we were originally told. Basically, he and his boyfriend don’t know what they are doing yet but they had made grandiose announcements of packing it all up and whisking away very fast without talking to us first and that was pretty devastating. We told them they really need to please just communicate with us more so we’re not caught so off-guard. We concluded that they’ll probably end up being around for at least the next 3 months. I hope. No promises there.

Lastly, we went to the Reproductive Endocrinologist to discuss our next steps after my HSG test. I expected to talk about starting Clomid or other fertility drugs to chemically enhance our chances of pregnancy by making me produce more eggs. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the result at all and instead we were told that since there’s actually no dysfunction with my ovulation cycles, that he will not prescribe any medication to add on to our method. The RE said that he would not use drugs to help us boost our results unless we were doing IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) under his care.  Then he basically recommended that we move on to one of those methods and stop trying at home on our own. If we didn’t change our plan there was nothing more he could do for us.

This was NOT what I wanted to hear and it felt like it kept getting worse. We would not be able to continue using our donor unless we went through several thousand dollars of tests (again) and processing to get his semen screened, cleaned and stored at a cryobank. With IUI, a thawed vial of semen would be placed directly into my uterus at the time of ovulation and FDA regulations keep us from doing that with fresh semen from our donor with our doctor’s assistance. With IVF, we would harvest some of my eggs, fertilize them in a lab and put a few of the “good ones” back in to hope that they stick. That’s not an option using our donor’s fresh semen either.

The entire appointment was a bit surreal for me and I’m not actually sure how I maintained any composure because all I really wanted to do after hearing that news was burst into tears. I knew that wasn’t going to get us anywhere so I tried to keep asking questions to use our time wisely and postpone the emotions until we had more privacy. I did NOT want to be sent home in tears feeling like I didn’t know anything new. Information is comfort to me so we pressed on. We’re not sure what we’re going to do yet but I needed to know enough to feel like we were able to make a rational decision and not just an emotional one or like we were grasping at straws. I even pushed the issue a little more of trying fertility drugs with our current method and the doctor completely denied it again. I guess it was just really hard for me to let go of that because I was 110% sure that was going to be our next step.

So it was recommended that we move on to IUI or IVF but we probably can’t get all the logistics in place to start doing it until August at the earliest. I don’t know why it takes so long but then again, patience was never my strong suit. For IUI without any fertility meds we’d be looking at costs of about $2500 for each cycle with 2 actual inseminations occurring. (Right now we do 4 or 5 each month.) If we decided to use fertility meds for that process we’re looking at more like $3000-6000 per cycle. For women my age the general success rate for IUI is 20-25% per cycle. The success rate for IVF is more like 50% per cycle, which sounds appealing but it’s also a multi-month process which will cost more like $11000 per try. On top of that, you have cryo storage fees for embryos that can be saved for another attempt and for donor sperm units that have been purchased but not used. Making babies this way is expensive, people!

No matter which method we choose, it’s much more cost effective for us to work with a cryobank and order anonymous donor sperm than it would be for us to process our own donor, freeze his and use it. Of course, selecting a new donor brings a whole new world of options to us. It is kind of fun to think about being able to just call up and order half of your child’s genetic traits though. So, is your head spinning yet? Good. You’re caught up to where I was a few days ago.

It’s definitely overwhelming and I’m trying to take it all in as best I can. We’ve had increasing doubts about our donor arrangement lately and I feel as though this might be a little twist of fate pushing us in a different direction. I’m trying not to get too caught up on the dollar signs yet, but obviously that’s a major concern. Of course in the long run, whatever you end up spending is worth it but getting used to the idea of those bills is a big adjustment. Everything is an adjustment! We’ve really just spent the past few days beginning to wrap our heads around it and trying (unsuccessfully) to not let it stress us out.

For now, we’re going to keep doing what we’re doing. Our next appointment to discuss our decisions isn’t until later in June so we have some time. We’re going to keep doing what we’re doing for at least that long and who knows, maybe I’ll get knocked up and all of this will have been for nothing. Neither of us think that discussing this with our current donor is necessary yet and we may not broach the subject until we have more solid plans or know that we’re done trying at home all together. (Some of you actually know him, so mums the word for now, k?) There’s just so much to consider that I can’t begin to possibly cover it all here, but that’s the big jist of the past few weeks. We have a LOT to think about and are feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by it at the moment.

The best part of the last few weeks was that I got very clear and positive ovulation test results this month. Sometimes in the past the tests never showed positive results and we just had to take our best guess. There was no guessing this time so hopefully that resulted in some very well timed inseminations. We are in our two week wait now so we still won’t know anything for a while. Lastly, we are still going to do the Q&A video I talked about in the previous post. I got lots of good questions but feel free to submit more because we still haven’t recorded it yet. Oops, we’ve been busy. There are certainly lots of new things to question!

If you’re still reading you deserve a big hug and I just want to thank you again for your continued support. I don’t know how I’d be getting through some of these days without the encouragement.


E & The Mrs.

The RE and this month’s results

30 Nov

We had our appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist last week and it went really well. He’s a good listener and seems to have a great sense of empathy for his patients. That seems so hard to find these days, doesn’t it? At the appointment we talked a lot about what our methods are and how the process has evolved for us so far as well as our philosophies on medical intervention and fertility drugs. He agreed that we seem to be doing most everything right and made a strong recommendation to change the pattern of days that we try. Initially we were inseminating every day for 5 days and then I was told to change that to once every other day for a span of 5 days. This RE suggested that we try once a day for three consecutive days beginning maybe a day before ovulation if we can time it that way. Apparently the every other day technique is more of a recommended strategy for heterosexual couples that are TTC with intercourse, not through insemination. (Cue *eyeroll* that the advice had come from this doctor)

Above all, I was really happy that this doctor heard my plea that I felt as though it was time to take action. I was happy that he was willing to make suggestions to modify our method, but I really needed to know that we were on the track to solving this. If we’re dealing with infertility and it’s me, I need to know. He recommended that we do some blood work to check my hormone levels about a week after ovulation and get our donor’s sperm count lab tested and go from there. Luckily, it was exactly one week since I’d ovulated that day and we could do my blood work on the spot. The control freak in me cried “Hooray!” and I walked out with a pretty pink band-aid and a follow up appointment in a month. So we went on with our life and our two week wait. To tell you the truth, I hoped that we’d tempted fate and that a positive pregnancy test result would be followed by the bill for those blood tests in the mail in about a week. It’s like finding the thing you were looking for right after you’ve gotten home from buying a replacement for it.

Thanksgiving came and went. My Mom THOROUGHLY stressed me out over stupid crap and just when things seemed to be calming down, I went to the bathroom Friday afternoon and noticed that I was spotting. I couldn’t believe it. Typically some light spotting 6-12 days is usually thought to be implantation bleeding and weird as it may sound, it’s a pretty good sign. The bleeding occurs because the fertilized egg is implanting itself into the uterine lining and about 4 days after that HCG can become detectable (which is the stuff that makes a pregnancy test turn positive). This type of bleeding isn’t rare, but only about 30% of women experience it. I never had before and therefore was never really looking for it anymore. We tried to keep a level head about things but admittedly, we were both pretty pleased with such a well-timed good sign.

I went crazy. My POOR wife. I thought my other waits had been bad and although this was not as bad as my very first one I wondered every single second if I was pregnant. On top of the spotting (which continued off and on through the weekend), I was tired, a little queasy at times and my temperature stayed up. I had experienced some twinges in the same spot in my lower left abdomen for a week. It wasn’t unusual to have them, but usually not in the same spot so consistently. We decided that we’d take a test on Monday morning since we were both off work. We knew it was early, but I thought  we might get lucky if we used a really sensitive test and could get a very faint line.

I woke up and took the test but no lines appeared. Despite the negative result, the symptoms continued though so we hung onto hope that it was just a little too early. That afternoon the spotting continued and I was still feeling pretty bummed about the test so we went to the gym hoping I’d get a little endorphin pick-me-up from it. I teach spin classes regularly so through this whole process I’ve gotten pretty good at knowing how hard I can push myself so I don’t risk overexertion while we’re TTC. With a full class, the spin room got pretty hot so I took it easy and hydrated a lot but found myself getting abdominal cramps towards the end of it. I eased up even more but it didn’t seem to help. After class I realized I had really started bleeding quite heavily and had gone from spotting to heavier than a normal period. It stopped for a few hours when we got home so I went to bed hoping that the worst was over and planning to try to take another test again when I woke in the morning. I still had 2 days before I expected to get my period anyway so I hoped it was just intensified bleeding from all the activity.

I went to bed last night and woke up again less than an hour later and was really disoriented. I remember feeling like I didn’t know what was going on or where I was but my wife said I was asking a lot of questions and just looking generally confused. I think I was in some sort of between-dream-and-awake place but I was drenched in sweat so she turned a fan on over our bed and encouraged me to go back to sleep. I don’t know if that was related to what was going on but it wasn’t a regular occurrence for me to wake up like that. The heavy bleeding had returned by this morning and I woke up with strong stabbing cramps. It was much worse than my heaviest period but backed off by midday but the cramps still have not. I’ve had a couple bouts of hot flashes today that last 5 minutes or so but then they go away. I’m near launch for a HUGE project at work right now and while I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s a very stressful time. I had to do an hour presentation today to about 30 people in the room and about 50 viewing online. Being in front of people was just the absolute last thing I wanted to do today but on the bright side, the day flew and I had no time to think about much else other than my work.

So it appears that we’re out this month. I’m not sure if what I was experiencing earlier was actually implantation bleeding and then something happened? Did we have it, then I lost it? Could this be from stress? I certainly hope it didn’t have anything to do with the spin class since I do them regularly and I’m pretty cautious about my limits. We try not to get our hopes up but it feels pretty devastating when something like this happens. We felt so close and now back at square one again in just the span of a few days. We are comforted by the fact that we already have another appointment on the books though. Hopefully, in a few more weeks we’ll be able to shed some light on the situation and figure out if we are achieving a chemical pregnancies and how we can make them stick.

I also just wanted to give a big THANK YOU to those reading this and still following our journey. I can’t express to you how awesome it is to know we have a supportive group of people behind us when it feels like the world is against us. There are some days (like today) when knowing that you guys are rooting for us and thinking of us really helps pull me through and keeps me from melting down. We’re determined to have our family and are so grateful for the energy and motivation you provide. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

Dear Body, WTF are you doing?!?

1 Nov

So, I’m 4 or 5 days late. (It depends who you ask if they count the first day or not. I do.) I am never late. Since I started tracking my cycles so that we could conceive, I have not been late by more than a few hours. The day that I ovulate has fluctuated a few times, but never the arrival of my period.

At first, as you could imagine we were really excited about this. This past weekend we were out of town and I packed a few pregnancy tests just in case I would be late. Can I just say that for some reason, having to take a pregnancy test in a hotel room feels kinda slutty? Anyway…Our policy is that we don’t test until I’m late so I don’t often get to take a test. I bought some huge bundle of cheap ovulation and pregnancy test strips from Amazon a while ago. The store brands get expensive and the reviews were reliable, so we decided to give them a try. The ovulation strips had worked out just as well for us as the pricier ones so we were happy with them.

On the first day that I was late, I took a test. It was negative.

On the second day that I was late, I took another one of those tests…again, negative.

I was kind of freaking out and didn’t take a test on day 3.

I started to wonder if these tests were not as accurate as the ovulation ones. When I got home from work yesterday we ran some errands and I wanted to pick up some of the more sensitive home pregnancy tests. I like the First Response Early Results test. You’re supposed to be able to take one before your period is late and it can detect lower levels of the HCG hormone. I had never been this late before so I don’t think I had been that nervous to take a test since our first month. We got home and I took it but it was also negative. I even let it sit for an hour LOOKING for another line to appear….Nope.

Today is day 5 and I knew that it’s common to get the strongest test results first thing in the morning. It’s when the most HCG would be present for a pee test, so I did that. Well…

So then what is actually going on with my body? This is completely frustrating. Is this because of stress? My diet, exercise routine and other major factors in my life are pretty much the same. I have a call in to my doctor already so I’ll mention this when I talk to her.

A few months ago I requested to have my levels checked and she said that’s not something they do until we’ve been trying for 8 or 9 months to get pregnant. Well, this will be month 8 so I’m pushing for that. I’m just getting increasingly concerned that if it’s taking this long and now with irregularities in my cycle, something else could be wrong. I hope she calls today and I get an appointment to start talking about what our next steps will be. This does not feel like progress at all.

In the mean time, life has actually been getting really stressful and I’m going to have to cut some things out and draw my lines in the sand. Management has changed at the gym where I teach spinning classes and the environment has grown really negative in the past three months there. The classes are a great way for me to make some extra money and work out while maintaining a free membership, but I’m just not enjoying it and they’ve been stressing me out a lot lately. If it comes down to it, I guess I’ll have to resign. My health is much more important.

Test Time Anxiety

4 Aug

In a few more days it’ll be time to take a pregnancy test again. I always get a little nervous around this time. It’s such a hard thing to remain optimistic and think positively then to NOT be disappointed and dwell on it a bit if it’s negative. Every month it gets easier but I don’t ever think it will actually be easy. I try to keep those few moments in perspective each month, thinking “We could find out in mere minutes if we’re going to become parents.” I always want to feel the full weight of that. I never want to become desensitized by what we’re doing just because we do it over and over and over.

I’ve noticed a trend with other families who are TTC. The first month is the hardest. You want so badly to get pregnant the first time around. The likelihood of it happening is slim and the let down is harsh. For us, the second month got easier. I knew what to expect and that curbed a lot of the tension. The second and the third time got even easier. We’re learning how to do this when time is tight, when we are sick, when things don’t go as planned… We’re learning how to schedule time on testing morning to allow some personal space for celebration or disappointment. It’s consuming alright but I wouldn’t want it not to be…It’s a big deal, right?!

I psyche myself up for these tests (Ok, and I’ve gotten pretty good at psyching myself OUT about them too if I’m being really honest). I’m not as neurotic about it as I was for the first month, but I do tend to still “feel everything” that’s going on with my body. I still find myself wondering what could be the cause of every little twinge, but I’ve gained enough self control to stop googling every little symptom under the sun. I subscribe to the power of positive thinking. I like to believe that if I think it worked this time and will myself along each month, that one month it will happen. How do you do that and not feel crushed and completely defeated when you learn that you’re not pregnant? Well, you don’t. We can’t anyway. Instead, we give ourselves a moment to feel bad about it, then we throw the test away and we move on. We focus on the next month.

So no matter what happens, I will have nervous excited energy about the next morning that I get to wake up, look at my wife and say “Let’s find out if we’re going to become parents soon.”

Our first BFN (Big Fat Negative)

20 May

May is not our month. I drove myself a little crazy analyzing every twinge and change for a few weeks and then I took my first pregnancy test on May 8th.

Big. Fat. Negative.

I tried to prepare myself into it before it happened. I tried not to get my hopes up. Still, seeing it plain as day is much more disappointing than I ever expected it to be. Especially since it was Mother’s Day. I know, what the HELL were we thinking, right?!?! Well, we had decided that since Mrs. E needed to leave town for work later that day that we wanted to test while we could still be together. Neither of us really are too keen on finding out that we’re pregnant when we’re not both right there in person. It was like five days before my next expected period, so we knew that there was a good chance that even though it said it was negative that it could be that it was still just too soon to tell. She left with both of us feeling pretty crappy and I spent the next week trying not to think about it. I guess that’s why it took me so long to write another post about all this. I just wanted to process it a little more so that the entire thing didn’t seem so pathetic. I knew that we were going forward with the mentality that May was “just practice”. But still. I can be kind of an overachiever and you only get the chance to make it work on the first try once.

When she came back from her trip we had both adjusted pretty well. We had tickets to a beer festival on Saturday and were really looking forward to it. I had completely stopped drinking so I was letting myself indulge and look forward to that a little bit. Saturday rolled around and I was officially late. Although I didn’t want to, we decided that I should take another test just to be sure before I did any drinking. I was a little better braced for a negative result on that one and again I was right. We went off and enjoyed our day though and I didn’t spend much time thinking about it at all.

I think that the moral of the story is that I’m going to have to plan something to look forward to each month that I’ll get to do only if I’m not pregnant. That way, I can look forward to either outcome. I had heard about how brutal these two week waits (2WW) are and I can honestly say that it was worse than I anticipated. I am NOT a patient girl. For two weeks I had almost constant invasions of “was I or wasn’t I pregnant” thoughts? It’s really hard to focus. I’ve tried to redirect the energy into house projects, hobbies, work…anything. Once we knew I wasn’t pregnant, it was difficult to readjust back but thankfully the invasions stopped almost immediately. I’d imagine that once we start trying I’ll be fighting that again. I actually like the invasions more than I like trying to ignore them but my productivity definitely suffers.

I expect the next try to be different. I’ll be more relaxed because I know how to play the game now. We have about another week left to go. It’s a cruel cycle but there’s one very ironic thing about it. It feels like two weeks is the perfect amount of time for which my hopefulness grows back.

I’m ready to do this again.